Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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