...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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