tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
