I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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