I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
