I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
