On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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