Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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