i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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