So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
