If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
