I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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