it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
