Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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