im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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