too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
