Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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