that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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