you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
