You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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