Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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