i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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