I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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