Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
