I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
