I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
