Need sex. Gaining weight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
