i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
