East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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