shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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