Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
