you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
