you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
