Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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