Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
