sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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