have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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