Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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