nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
