i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
