I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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