he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
