The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im part way to drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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