Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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