How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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