i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
