butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
