So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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