i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
