lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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