Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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